On the second day of 8th grade I came home excited about the new year and found my 24 yo brother who had shot himself.
My mission - whether I wanted to accept it or not - was to throw on an invisible cape and protect and redirect my 6yo sister as she got off the bus. That was my first assignment as a superhero. I could not afford to fail because she would not be able to endure what I just experienced.
When the police arrive, they pepper me with questions. When my parents arrive, I bolt out of the house, desperate for them; but they rush past me, desperate for him, leaving me on the sidewalk… alone.
And no one speaks of it for 27 years. No one ever circles back to see if I am choking on my cape. I double down as the superhero into my adult life, caring for and protecting everyone but myself.
Trauma has an unrelenting way of miscasting us into roles we were never intended to play. For me, it set the stage for living a lie that I was ok, capable, happy, and an all-around superstar into my adult life. And we all know superstars don’t ask for help. Superstars don’t fail. But the level of conflict that “stinkin’ thinkin’” created in my life left me feeling suicidal on many occasions.
Many of us experience trauma and everyone experiences conflict. But how you experience it as a child tends to define and shape you until you decide to throw off the mold and the cape and create something new.
So here’s to creating something bold and honest and authentic even if it’s scary. Even if it’s unfamiliar. Because you and me are who the world needs right now.
If your cape is choking you, please check out these resources:
~ Adultchildren.org
~ National Alliance on Mental Illness (nami.org)
~ Suicide Is Different (suicideisdifferent.org)
~ Find Help (findhelp.org)
~ Workplace Suicide Prevention efforts (https://lnkd.in/e3HzUTt4)
~ 988
~ Contact me for services
If conflict is plaguing you, contact me. I can help you rewrite the script and find your way through it.
On being brave
(Warning: content deals with suicide)
When I was 13 years old, my older brother killed himself. I not only was the one to find him, but I was also the one left on the sidewalk by myself when the adults showed up to handle it.
I was the one sent back to school a couple of days later with my own crisis that plagued me for decades. Thankfully, times have changed, and so have I.
Before that day, he had confided in my father that he wanted to die and had sat contemplating it (known as “suicidal ideation”) with a gun in hand recently.
It made no difference that my father hid the bullets because later he disclosed where they were when my brother called him, throwing a fit that he was not a child and how dare the man hide his belongings.
I can’t speak to why my father did what he did and neglected to do what he should’ve done. But I can tell you when it comes to suicidal ideation, “lethal means” - having what it takes to pull it off - must be reckoned with. Because burying your head in the sand and telling yourself it won’t happen in your house, in your family, is likely to play a role in a tragic ending.
““Courage can’t see around corners but goes around them anyway.” ”
As Mignon McLaughlin states, “Courage can’t see around corners but goes around them anyway.” This type of act requires an honest look at ourselves and others. It requires throwing our shoulders back, being brave, asking questions, and getting help for ourselves and others. It means doing whatever it takes to make a way where seemingly there is none.
““Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing because it is right. These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity.”
I pray we can, before it’s too late.
So… What is nudging you from around the corner and needing your attention?